Artemis Fowl and the School of Magic
by FictionFurret16
Summary: How will Artemis Fowl and the LEP respond when the Hogwarts castle mysteriously appears and it seems to be full of unauthorized magic? Rated T because I'm not sure exactly how it'll play out.
1. Chapter 1: Foaly

Chapter I: Foaly

You never know when a day could end from a visit from another dimension. It has happened before believe you me, but this one was of the most peculiar variety. Down in the Lower Elements Police station in Haven, Foaly the resident paranoid, genius centaur, was working on some top secret projects. He was keeping an eye on one of his old friends. Artemis Fowl.

He was singing some song about swear toads when he got an alert on his unauthorized magic alert system. Nowadays, magic was considered pretty dangerous and was limited only to LEP officers and lackeys. The Ritual was becoming harder to perform due to deforesting problems and a few raised suspicions about recent fairy sightings. Usually when a fairy was spotted the LEP was to perform a mind wipe on the Mud Man who saw the fairy. Somehow though, some of the Mud Men who saw them have been slipping through the cracks and had this had been putting poor Foaly on edge trying to track them down.

Foaly thought it his duty to deal with all the technical stuff involving electronic reports on the internet of fairy sightings. Mud Men technology was so primitive compared to fairy technology. It would be super easy to hack.

Foaly turned his attention to his laptop that he devoted to tracking unauthorized magic happenings. The LEP had a tracker on anyone authorized to use magic and it would show up as a green dot on the screen if the user of magic had one of these before mentioned trackers. It would show up as a red dot if the user wasn't authorized.

Foaly let out a few choice words that a swear toad would be proud of as he examined the screen.

_It has to be a malfunction._ Foaly thought to himself.

Usually whenever the alert would go off it was usually just an LEP member doing some typical magic for a child, or an LEP member using the _mesmer _as needed. There was rarely ever a red dot on the screen, and when there was it was just an unlicensed member of the LEP or a new member who didn't know the rules quite yet.

What Foaly saw on the screen couldn't have possibly been an ignorant mistake. What he saw was a giant cluster of red dots. Hundreds to be in fact.

Artemis Fowl was on the way to a very prestigious meeting. He was dressed in his typical dark suit and tie. He was in an unassuming sports car so as not to raise suspicion and on his lap lay a dark briefcase made of reinforced steel. He smoothed back his slick dark hair and pressed the tips of his fingers together in his lap and turned to his driver who appeared to be a mountain of a man. Butler was Artemis' bodyguard and was a very capable person.

"Artemis…" Butler started to speak but was cut off by a raised hand from Artemis.

"I have told you that we can't stop for biscuits until we arrive in Vermont." Artemis replied in a phony British accent. Butler looked quizzically at Artemis as they stopped at a traffic light.

_The car is bugged. _Artemis mouthed at Butler. He motioned to under the dash. Butler made a motion to remove it but Artemis shook his head.

_Whoever our stalkers are, _he mouthed, _we can't let them notice anything out of the ordinary or even that we noticed it. _To help his point he added, "We can stop at that gas station you love and get a couple of ice creams." Butler cringed but replied in a British accent of his own.

"That would be great." Butler smiled. He couldn't let any emotion show even though he was good friends with his principle Artemis. He didn't know if the camera also had visual and not just audio.

Soon, they arrived at their destination. It appeared to be an old run down warehouse. But as Artemis had learned in the past and by his own experience, looks could be deceiving.

When they stepped out of the car and had walked a ways towards the warehouse, Artemis explained.

'The man we rented the car from must have been under the _mesmer _or something. He was acting stranger than I've seen him. When I asked him an inside question he pretended not to know what I was talking about. I was talking about his wife." He paused for a moment and fiddled with his wristwatch.

"We have a few minutes before we're expected." Artemis said. He then smiled grimly. "Best to have the element of surprise. No matter how small it may be."

He knocked thrice on the door and waited hands clasped in front of him while holding the silver briefcase. A buff dude with a buzz cut answered the door. He raised his prominent eyebrows at Butler. This happened a lot.

"What do you want?" The man said gruffly, "State your business or I'll have to kill you."

Butler cracked his knuckles intimidatingly and Artemis cleared his throat.

"You can tell your boss," Artemis replied, "That I have what he wants and I require a private conference with him to discuss business terms."

The man seemed amused and said, "The boss doesn't take too kindly to pointless interruptions."

"Oh I'm expected," Artemis replied with a stone cold grin. "And if you're not going to let us through, my large friend will be glad to move you for us."

The man took a gander at Butler and paled slightly. He stepped aside quickly and talked into a portable cell phone.

"Sir," He mumbled, "A creepy Irish kid is here. He says that he's expected."

Artemis could hear someone on the other end of the radio. It was faint but he could tell it was the man he was looking for. The man on the other end kept talking and the man on this end paled considerably. He quickly mentioned for Artemis and Butler to come in.

"Come in Master Fowl," The man mumbled hurriedly, "The headmaster is waiting for you."


	2. Chapter 2: Artemis

Chapter II: Artemis:

Artemis and Butler followed the guard into the warehouse. From the outside it would have appeared to be a run down, run of the mill, warehouse for holding junk. Inside there were stacks of crates and boxes lining the walls and there were forklifts ferrying the boxes and crates all around, organizing them.

But something wasn't quite right. There seemed to be a sort of shimmer around the crates and forklifts and Artemis had the inexplicable urge to not notice them. Artemis felt quite odd. It reminded him of his dealings with fairy magic but he hadn't seen something quite like this before.

The man led them up to a door in the back that seemed to be the manager's office. Artemis slipped on his sunglasses that had mirrored lenses. He wasn't exactly sure who he was up against so he had to cover his bases. He motioned for Butler to do the same and Butler discreetly swapped his Men in Black style glasses for a pair that closely imitated Artemis' own.

When the man led them through into the manager's room Artemis was slightly disappointed. It appeared to be a regular manager's office, with a couple filing cabinets and notice boards and a large desk in the center of the room. The only thing that seemed out of the ordinary was the man sitting behind the desk in the giant plush swivel chair. He appeared to be very old and had a very long white beard and a pair of half-moon spectacles. He also wore a long robe which was brightly colored. He was eating out of a small bag of lemon drops when Artemis, Butler, and the guard stepped in.

The ancient man behind the desk looked up and allowed himself a wrinkly smile.

"Ah," He finally said, "Artemis Fowl, it would appear that bringing you here wasn't as hard as it was thought to be. And oh!" He paused to look at Butler, "I see you've brought one of your friends,"

Artemis walked up and set his briefcase on the large mahogany desk.

"I am here to discuss business. So could we please skip the formalities and proceed? And I do believe that you have neglected to tell me your name." Artemis said professionally.

The man behind the desk looked up at the guard and tossed a lemon drop to him. The guard caught it quickly.

"You may leave us to our business Frank." He said.

The man nodded and left the room without another word. The old man behind the desk appeared to relax. He reclined in his chair and pulled out a long wooden stick out from somewhere inside his robe. Butler's hand twitched near his belt where his Sig Sauer was hanging. Whoever this man was, Butler wasn't sure whether to trust him or not. A lot could go sour in under a minute in a tense business environment.

"Well!" The man behind the desk waved his hand through the air. "Let us do away with the glimmering illusions. I do bore easily of these Muggle furnishings,"

He waved the stick thing through the air and the surroundings around the three seemed to melt away. What was left in their place was odd indeed. One of the filing cabinets melted away to reveal a large wooden cabinet instead and another filing cabinet melted away into a very large perch for some sort of bird. Perched atop it was a most magnificent beast. It appeared to be a beautiful scarlet bird. The notice boards melted away to reveal photos and paintings which appeared to move of their own free will.

"I am Albus Dumbledore," The old man behind the desk said with a twinkle in his eye. "Sorry about the misdirection and illusions. It was of the utmost importance that we got you here without any suspicion or anything seeming out of the ordinary."

"Explain quickly or your insides might become your outsides." Butler growled cocking his Sig Sauer. Artemis was also on his guard fingering his watch which he had modified to contain a small Taser.

"Now, now," Dumbledore said good-naturedly, "You have nothing to fear from me. I was just getting to the good part. You see, we usually would send a letter but I see that you are of a different breed and you do not receive the regular mail. You would have probably thought it to be a trap and would have had someone burn the letter without a second thought." He paused for a moment and stood up to pace. "We live in a day and age where nearly everything we do is automated and electronic. I prefer to do it the old fashioned way."

Artemis sighed theatrically and folded his hands in his lap.

"Butler asked why we are here if not to do business." Artemis said without showing emotion. Obviously this man was addled and had to be dealt with carefully.

"Ah yes!" Dumbledore said as if he had just remembered. He pulled out a folded piece of parchment from his robe and unfolded it and began to read from it.

"_Artemis Fowl, you are hereby invited to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It is quite unusual that you would receive your invitation to attend as you are not of the usual age in which we receive first-years. But that is not of importance. You have been invited to attend nonetheless and we would be quite delighted if you could join us as soon as you can. We hope to see you very soon._

_ Professor Minerva McGonagall Deputy Headmistress_

Artemis allowed himself to raise an eyebrow at this interesting display. Surely this must be some sort of a joke. Perhaps he had eaten something that was causing him to hallucinate. But no, that couldn't be the case. He was feeling perfectly alert.

"And this would mean…" Artemis prodded.

"Why," Dumbledore said, "You're a wizard Artemis."


	3. Chapter 3: Holly

Chapter III: Holly

Captain Holly Short was ready for a day off. All week long it had been endless missions from Commander Root. They ranged from tracking down some rouge swear toads to trying to clean up the mess from No1's experiments with his demon warlock magic. She was burnt out and was ready to go home.

What she wasn't ready for was when she heard that Artemis Fowl, her old enemy/friend/secret crush might be in danger.

Foaly called her over to his unique workspace and explained things to her.

"So you know how we have had magic under strict surveillance recently?" Foaly asked Holly.

Holly nodded fingering the small black box that was added onto her LEPrecon suit at the wrist. It got in the way at times but she had grown used to it. Some of the noobs didn't see the use of it would take it off momentarily and get penalized for magic use without it.

"Well," Foaly said scratching his head, "You should probably come and see this." He led Holly over to where he had his magic monitoring systems set up.

"D'Arvit," Holly swore as she saw the screens.

"We have no idea what this could mean for us. We haven't sent any agents out yet to see what it could be. It could just be a gathering of another species of fairy or it could be something far more sinister. It could be a threat to fairy kind and Haven if a group of magic creatures this large were to find us so far underground. We don't know what they're capable of and they could be dangerous." Foaly explained.

"And where do I come into this?" Holly asked folding her arms. She wasn't sure she liked were this was going.

"Ah yes, about your fiancée Artemis Fowl…" Foaly said slyly. Holly blushed. It was an ongoing joke in the LEP that Artemis and Holly were married ever since No1 made that crack before they traveled back in time. And because they kissed didn't help her case. Even if at the time she was a hormonal mess in a teenager's body at the time.

"What about him?" She asked trying to be professional. She couldn't let Foaly have the satisfaction of getting to her.

"Well," Foaly said, "We thought it would be best if you were the one to go out there and analyze the situation. Especially since it would seem that Artemis Fowl is involved."

Holly started.

"Give me a moment and I'll get ready. I'll just go grab my suit and Neutrino." She started to leave but Foaly raised a hand to stop her.

"For this mission you'll have to be undercover. I have a feeling that you'll have quite a bit of trouble if you go in your LEPrecon suit." Foaly explained.

Holly's shoulders slumped. She hadn't used her Neutrino in a while and she was afraid she might lose her amazing marksmanship and trigger finger if she didn't use it soon.

"You will have to go dressed as one of the Mud Men." Foaly said.

Holly wrinkled her nose. She hated the times that she had to wear Mud Men clothes. The stench lingered on her for weeks on end.

"Don't worry," Foaly assured her. "We have a contact on the surface that will fit you with some female Mud Men clothes. You shouldn't have to be in them for more than a day or two if everything goes according to plan."

"And what about these?" Holly said flicking her pointed elven ears.

"Ah yes, those," Foaly said with a grin, "We could either sand them down…" Holly flinched at this, "Or," Foaly continued, "We could try an experiment,"

Holly crossed her arms as Foaly ducked under his desk and brought out a shiny, black box.

"Inside here," Foaly said opening the box, "We have some experimental cloaking technology. As you're probably thinking, yes we already have cloaking technology but mine is different."

Foaly paused to let it sink in.

"It'll allow certain areas of the body to appear to become invisible. It was initially intended to be a sort of invisibility cloak that we could sell to the folks in Atlantis but…" Foaly shrugged, "It can be used to make an elf's ears appear rounded to avoid suspicion by the Mud Men."

"Have you tested this technology at all?" Holly asked suspiciously.

"Well…" Foaly said scratching his chin, "The only time I've tested was at home to hide from my nephew so I could finish reading my sci-fi novel."

Holly didn't really like the idea of being one of the first test subjects of one of Foaly's inventions. She trusted him and all, but she'd prefer to wait until it was tried and true before using it. She wasn't _that _headstrong.

Foaly seemed to sense her nervousness and said, "Or you could just wear a beanie. I hear that they're all the rage nowadays among teenaged Mud Men."

"I think I'll stick with the cloaking technology," Holly said quickly, touching her auburn hair. She wasn't one for hat head or bedhead and she knew the damage that a beanie could do.

Foaly shrugged and pulled two triangular, clear, conical, things out of the box. He gave them to Holly.

"Just slip these onto the tips of your ears," Foaly explained proudly, "And they should shrink until they fit snugly. The cloaking system should respond automatically to your body heat and the tips of your ears should appear to disappear."

Holly slipped on the triangles and looked at her reflection in one of Foaly's computers. It was an odd feeling. It was like when you dip your hand in cold water slowly the cold slowly envelops your hand. She watched the tips of her ears disappear and she felt them go numb. Her hands flew up to them to make sure they were still there. She could feel them but not see them.

"That's so eerie," Holly whispered.

Foaly cleared his throat loudly to get Holly's attention. Holly stood up straight and looked Foaly in the eyes.

"How will I get them off when I'm done with them?" She asked folding her arms again. She needed to know all the details before taking off with Foaly's brand new technology.

"Well…" Foaly said sheepishly, "I haven't found a way to actually _remove _them per say… but I have found a way to disable them. Turns out their surprisingly vulnerable to water. You'll still be able to feel that something's there but no one will notice anything out of the ordinary."

Holly rolled her eyes and let her hands drop to her sides. There was always a catch.

"Well," Holly said finally, "Looks like I'm going to be a Mud Man, er, Mud _Woman _for a couple of days."


	4. Chapter 4: Artemis

Chapter IV: Artemis:

"Would you be so kind as to join us at Hogwarts Mister Fowl?" Dumbledore asked politely. Artemis drummed his fingers on the silver briefcase ponderingly.

"Is there some sort of legally binding contract that I need to sign?" Artemis asked Dumbledore. "Is there something I need to say? Do I need to swear on a Bible or something? Will I be stuck in this for life?"

Dumbledore smiled kindly. "Most students don't find themselves _stuck _in it really. They think of it as more of a release. A safe haven in fact. Don't you have a safe haven Mister Fowl?"

Artemis started a bit at the fact. What would Holly think? What would Foaly and the LEP think? Oh crap. What would Angeline Fowl think? And his younger brothers, what would they do without him. Artemis remembered that he needn't worry. Juliet was there to take care of them if Artemis was to be gone for an extended period of time. Also there was Artemis Fowl Senior. Surely he would want notice if his genius son was to be off on some adventure.

Dumbledore seemed to read Artemis' mind.

"Your non-magic friends and family don't need to worry about you, or you worry about them. They will be well taken care of, I will be sure to make sure of that." Dumbledore said to Artemis.

Artemis massaged his temple trying to process this. Usually he was one of the quicker ones to grasp new concepts. Especially since he met Captain Holly Short and the LEP.

"Wait," Artemis said squeezing his eyes shut. "Are you saying that I am _magic?" _

Dumbledore seemed to smile wider. This was obviously the reaction he had hoped for.

"Have you ever accidentally caused something unusual or exceptional happen before?" Dumbledore said as if from a script. "Anything you couldn't explain?"

Artemis thought about this and shrugged. He was getting to be a lot more open minded each day he spent in the company of fairies.

"One example of the magic within you is your advanced intelligence and ability to easily accept unusual and otherworldly concepts."

Butler nodded in agreement. This was certainly going to be an interesting day.

"You are a wizard Artemis." Dumbledore repeated. "You have magic flowing through your veins. Some people think that anyone can use magic if given a wand, but in truth, only those who already have the magic within them can harness that amazing power. You have always had magic. We at Hogwarts have just now noticed that. It would be our honor as to have you attend."

"Tell me more," Artemis said. He was pretty much certain that he could trust this aged man. He was also eager to put some more spice in his life. "When do we depart?"

Butler put his large hand on Artemis' shoulder. Not something that happened very often.

"Think about this," Butler told Artemis, "We don't have any solid way to trust him or if what he's saying is the truth."  
"I've made up my mind." Artemis told Butler, "I want to go to Hogwarts." He turned back to Dumbledore. "When can we leave?" He repeated.

"We will depart soon." Dumbledore assured Artemis. "We just have a few matters to take care of." He tapped the briefcase. "I haven't asked you to bring those for nothing. I do have what I said I did."

Artemis opened the briefcase to reveal bag after bag of lemon drops. Dumbledore grinned. _This man must have an addiction to these things. _Artemis thought to himself.

"And your end of the bargain?" Artemis asked inquisitively.

Dumbledore nodded and pulled out a large bag from under his desk. He slid it across to Artemis who opened it revealing it to be full of gold, silver, and copper coins. But mostly gold, as Artemis had requested. It was a most unusual transaction but it satisfied both parties and neither felt as if they had the lower part in the bargain. Dumbledore somehow managed to slip the briefcase into his robes and rose from his chair.

"Butler, good fellow," He said. "I trust that you will come with us too? Even though you may be only a Muggle I do believe you could be quite useful."

Butler nodded in agreement. It would take a lot to separate him from Artemis and magic never seemed to do that. He would be alongside him all the way.

"Excellent!" Dumbledore said clasping his hands together. "We will depart now. I daresay we will be needing to pick up some supplies if you are to go to school."

"And where would one go to buy wizarding supplies?" Butler asked.

"Why," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye, "Diagon Alley of course!"


	5. Chapter 5: Artemis

Chapter V: Artemis

Artemis wasn't quite sure exactly what he was getting himself into. He had barely met Dumbledore, yet he had felt that he could be trusted. The man seemed quite laid back yet professional at the same time. Artemis had once harnessed magic. It was stolen magic but it was magic nonetheless. He wondered if he and Dumbledore were thinking of the same magic.

"Where exactly is this Diagon Alley and how will we acquire transportation to it?" Artemis asked politely. "I daresay that we shouldn't use our vehicle seeing as it has been bugged."

"Ah!" Dumbledore said, 'We shall simply Apparate there." He pulled a long wooden stick out of some hidden pocket in his robe.

"What exactly is Apparating?" Artemis questioned.

"It is best not to overthink it," Dumbledore said grabbing Artemis and Butler's arms. Dumbledore waved his wand and Artemis felt a wrenching in the pit of his stomach. He felt as if he was going to throw up. The world swirled around him in a cacophony of colors and sounds. It was enough to give anyone a seizure. He wasn't sure what would happen if he threw up in the swirly vortex. It reminded him of when he had switched an eye with Holly Short. Now he had a hazel eye.

They finally arrived and the colors settled around them to form what appeared to be an alleyway. Butler stumbled to the side and vomited all over the wall of the building next to them. Artemis didn't feel too well in the stomach either.

"That is a common response to one's first time Apparating," Dumbledore explained, "It is quite rare that one can refrain from it on his first time."

Dumbledore walked up to the far wall and tapped a series of seemingly random bricks with his wand. The bricks swirled and melted away to make a grand archway leading into what seemed a lot like a marketplace crossed with downtown.

"Come right this way," Dumbledore said gesturing to Artemis and Butler, "We must get Artemis a wand first."

As they walked into Diagon Alley, Butler got a few double takes. Mostly from the children swarming in and out of the candy shops.

"Here we are." Dumbledore said gesturing for Artemis and Butler to follow him into a shop that had a sign that read: Ollivander's Wand Shop. The bell above the door ringed as they walked in. A man with unkempt white hair hurried in.

"Ah!" He said, "Albus! How wonderful to see you here. How may I assist you?"  
"Artemis Fowl here needs a wand," Dumbledore said waving to Artemis. Artemis walked up to Ollivander.

"What exactly do I have to do to get a wand?" Artemis asked Ollivander. He readjusted his mirrored sunglasses just in case this old man had some trick up his sleeve. Appearances could be deceiving. His old man appearance could just be a guise to cover a far more sinister truth. Artemis himself was more than meets the eye.

"Just wait here," Ollivander said clasping his hands together and dashing off into a back room.

"It could be anyone of these…" Ollivander thought aloud, "Let's just grab some of them and see which one of them chooses you."

Ollivander stumbled in, his arms piled high with long rectangular boxes. He piled them up on a small wooden desk, a box or two threatening to fall to the floor. He cleared his throat.

"I remember every wand I ever made," Ollivander said, "Every single one is different in some way or another and all of them are special." He passed Artemis one of the boxes. Artemis pulled a short brown wand.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" Artemis asked.

"Give it a wave or a swish and see if it responds nicely." Ollivander replied patiently. Artemis held the wand from the thicker end and gave it a brisk swish. The wand spat out angry orange embers and also had a bit of a kick.

"Not that one," Ollivander said quickly stuffing the wand back into its box, "Try this one." He said proffering another box to Artemis to try. It reminded Artemis somewhat like trying on shoes. Artemis opened this next box and pulled out a long slender wand. It was a beautiful silvery color.

"Perhaps," Butler mumbled. In fact Butler didn't really know anything about the matter. He just wanted them to hurry it up. The area was a bit cramped for a man his size.

Artemis gave the wand a gentler swish and the wand emitted a golden ribbon of light.

"Marvelous!" Ollivander said clapping his hands.

"Does this mean that it has chosen me?' Artemis asked inspecting the wand.

"Indeed," Dumbledore said, "this will be your wand that you will use for the rest of your life."

"This one," Ollivander said, gently taking the wand from Artemis "is 12 and three quarter inches, is made from spruce wood, has a dragon heartstring core, and has a surprisingly swishy flexibility."

Ollivander handed the wand back to Artemis and Artemis brandished it like a sword.

"That'll be 10 galleons." Ollivander said to Artemis.

"Is that a form of currency here?" Artemis questioned. He hadn't thought that he would actually have to pay for this stuff.

"Do you still have your suitcase Artemis?" Dumbledore asked.

"Of course," Artemis replied pulling out the suitcase. He opened it up revealing the coins inside. Butler moved in closer to watch the transaction.

"Those golden ones," Dumbledore said pointing to the golden coins, "are galleons, the highest form of standard wizarding currency."

Artemis felt a slight twinge of regret. He felt a particular connection to the golden ones. Nonetheless, he handed 10 of the galleons over.

"How will I safely carry this around?" Artemis asked Dumbledore, "I can't very well keep it in a pocket can I?"

"Of course you can," Dumbledore said, "but when you come to Hogwarts you will typically wear wizarding robes. We will have you fitted for those soon."

"Okay," Artemis said carefully sliding the wand into the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

They exited the shop and walked back into Diagon Alley. Butler was finally able to stretch.

"I think I'll stay outside for the next shop," Butler said. He cracked his knuckles, which scared away a couple children who were staring.

"Very well," Artemis said, "but stay close by, I haven't got the chance to scan the area for potential threats."

The next thing they got from a shop was a gorgeous black owl. It was an extremely rare black snowy owl.

"What are you going to name it?" Butler asked. He tried to pet the bird through the cage but it nipped violently at him.

"If one names something," Artemis replied, "one becomes attached to it, which can lead to despair at the passing of the named individual. I don't need _that _drama in my life." Butler gave him a funny look.

"Come on Artemis," Butler said clapping his hand on Artemis' shoulder, "you should loosen up. Name the handsome beast."

"Hmm…" Artemis thought as they walked along. He stopped and took a glance at the new companion.

"I think I'll name him Onyx." He decided finally. Onyx started preening himself as if he couldn't care less what Artemis called him as long as he knew where the owl food was.

"I think I like this bird," Butler said allowing himself a small smile, "He reminds me of you Artemis." Artemis pretended not to hear him as they continued walking.

"Loosen up," Butler repeated, "Wizarding School won't be the worst thing that'll happen to you."


End file.
